Waiting!.....

Waiting is a must in life, you cant always get what you want right away, people are trying to make things within reach for right away, like fast food and credit cards and stuff.

I had to wait 18 months for Travis to get home from his mission so i could finally meet him!! the first half wasn't hard, because i was still in high school focusing on graduating and trying to decide what to do after i graduated.( i was pretty sure once Travis got home i would marry him so i didn't stress too hard on finding something to do after graduating) So i just worked till he got home.

Then after only waiting 3 weeks after him getting home, we were engaged, of course it felt like so much longer than only 3 weeks!

Then of course you have to WAIT to get married, which was 4 months of waiting for us! it was hard but at the same time not too hard because we were always together! well as much as we could be.

Then after we were married for 3 months we decided children needed to be a part of our lives, that was put on hold while i got sick and had emergency surgery, and ended up losing my left fallopian tube. This made me worry that waiting for children would be even longer. An OB/GYN specialist said everything should be just fine, should be just like normal, if in 3 months your still not pregnant, come in we will do a bunch of tests.

3 months of WAITING went by and exactly on month 3 i was pregnant!! yay! then the waiting for the first Dr.s visit was on my brain. Until i started bleeding and didn't have to wait anymore and was off to the Dr's to see what was wrong. I miscarried in the Dr.s office before going into the room for the ultra sound.

Now after over a year I'm still waiting for that beautiful child to decide to come down and be a part of our loving family. I'm finally on fertility pills so I'm hopeful that our waiting to become pregnant is soon coming to an end. I took the pregnancy test this morning and not to my surprise it was a big fat, not pregnant.

Which I'm not surprised, it would have been a miracle to become pregnant on the first cycle of Chlomid. But yet again here comes another month of WAITING. Its super hard for me since this would be my first, i don't have any children so its just scary for me because what if i can never have my own child?

Not to mention on top of all this, we have to WAIT to move to ST. George until after this semester of school for Travis. Its hard waiting, especially when the place I'm living at doesn't feel like home to me. St. George just feels so right and in my mind i don't want to wait to be where i know we are meant to be. But this is life and this is my trial and my growth, to become better and be patient. To WAIT for the time when its right. My eyes are slowly being opened but of course i still struggle, who wouldn't?

At times i wish i could fast forward my life to the happiest moment in the future, where Travis has his dream job of being a history teacher at a high school and coaching football, and we have our very own house, and a few kids running around, but the memories and experiences leading up to that moment are what make it so happy, and that's why things are the way they are.

sorry this is a little deep I'm just a little emotional today and wanted to let go of a few of my feelings :)

It doesn't help that the sun has decided to hide from me :) come on i need some sunshine!! :)