Wednesday, October 13, 2010

just some thoughts

An update on work, the hard weeks are over, no more 12, 13 hour days i can finally slow down to 8 hour days and then maybe even 6. Work is going good the store has opened and the Grand opening is October the 18th, that will be a crazy day. But because i have been working so much i haven't gotten to check my blog as much as i like to, and to catch up on all of yours.
Its sad to read how many people are having the same problem we have been having, infertility.
It really is one of the hardest things i have ever had to experience.... the past 2 nights i have had baby dreams, the first i was in the hospital bed, i turned to look at my brand new baby girl in the bed next to mine, i turned away and when i looked back, it wasnt that beautiful baby girl that was once there, but a small dog...... The second dream i was in the hospital preparing to give birth, not the normal way but a dream way... i cant explain it but it was really weird, before i was going to have this baby i left the hospital to go get food, i guess while i was sleeping i was really hungry cuz i dreamed of going to get food.... hahah funny huh? Since those 2 dreams i havent had a baby related dream, but 2 in a row was strange to me. i know i comment alot on this subject and im always getting the response, "Your still young." "There is always more time" "You have only been married a year and a half." and "Dont worry your time will come"
The reason i write about infertility and my feelings on here is not to have them fixed but to help me, to feel better so i dont have all these feelings bottled up inside so that one day i just blow up and go crazy. I often talk to my husband about it but he can only take so much of it to. Its so hard on him and i see it every day.
The other night we were laying in bed talking and he stops for a minute and then says, "I really want to have kids now" not that he didnt before, but he is in the same boat as i am, tired of waiting for the possibility and then the let down of a negative test. I know he is more than ready to be a dad, and i know he is going to be an amazing one at that! its just so hard for me to see him so sad about it, we often forget how this can effect our husbands.
I must say, that working so much has helped to keep my thoughts about babies busy, and its kept me occupied. For which i am thankful. I just know that when its finally my turn and i finally get to be pregnant and hold that sweet baby of mine in my arms that i will know how hard i fought to bring this baby into the world and it will be so special to me because of the trials we had to face to bring them here to our family.
To all you mothers with children, dont for one second take that for granted you have the best gift life can bring you.
And for all you struggling with infertility, i know your pain, together we can all hang in there together and get through this!! We must stay positive and keep going with life, it doesnt stop because we fall down and skin our knee.... WE CAN DO THIS!! :) i just wanted to share those thoughts.
My sister in law, that lives next door is due any time this week, im scared of how i will feel seeing that new baby boy and how i will act. But i am also the happiest i have been in a long time knowing what a great husband i have and what a great life we have together. Life gives us trials to make us stronger, god will not give you a trial that you cannot overcome.
Sorry this is so long i just felt like i needed to write this post! i love you all!!!! :D


  1. Rana, you are freaking superwoman for having to go through that, seriously. and if there is ANYTHING I can do to help just let me know. Cause I know there is no way I would make it through something like that without help, i'm just a call or text away dear :) love you!

  2. I know how hard it can be. It is SUCH a struggle sometimes, especially when you don't have the thousands of dollars lying around to visit a doctor. I have to always remind myself that I may not understand it now, but the reason we have to wait so long is because Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and as long as we keep trusting in His plan, everything will turn out the way it should and we'll be surprised with how happy we are with whatever that plan ends up being. I really believe that. If you ever need someone to talk to or want to share thoughts/advice/tips/complaints/whatever - feel free to talk to me! You can add me on Google Chat if you want, my email is You will be in my prayers. Stay strong and know you will be a mother before you know it!

  3. Im sorry :( i wish i could help but in this case there's not much other than patience and faith. You will make it. Any update on the doctor visit? What have they said?

  4. This is Tiffany Barnard. Andreas friend from west virginia. We had travis over a couple of times for dinner. anyways, hopefully you don't mind me reading your blog! but i think you are travis are so cute. i think it is great that you blog all about your trial right now. we all have them and most of them are "unfixable" by others but sometimes reading about others helps you know that you are not alone going through hard things. you are one brave woman and i could bet that there are many women who read your blog and get comfort from it because they are going through the same thing. so thanks for being open and honest! good luck with everything!

  5. I'm glad you get getting it out here rather than bottling it up. I'm also glad that work is going well for you. We have a hobby lobby here and it is so fun.