Monday, June 13, 2011

sooo complicated....

As most of you may know Travis' dad works in Alaska at a Gold Mine for 4 weeks and then comes home for 2 weeks. Travis' older brother just got a job working up there too. Well Travis' dad just got home and said that if Travis wanted he could get him a job up there working and making A LOT more money that he is now. Right away i said no way i couldn't live without you for a whole month especially when we are trying to start our family. I said if I'm pregnant this month then no way are you going because if you are not meant to go than i would be pregnant, but if im not, than maybe you are supposed to go. Well i spoke too soon because i started Sunday (yesterday) and am yet again NOT pregnant, i don't know why i though being on fertility would help me get pregnant instantly, because its not, this is month 4 and still no baby. So we are seriously considering Alaska.... why does this suck? because i cannot go up with him, its a job where he would have to live in a man camp. So if he were to get this job i would move to California to be closer to my family but have my own place out there, yet still be close to visit my family when i get lonely, im only thinking of doing this if my little sis. Tori agrees to live with me out there so im not living alone in a house all by myself for 4 weeks at a time. This job would only be temporary to earn and save enough money so Travis could get through school without having to work. But that means possibly 2 years working in Alaska.... is it worth it? All of this news and decisions on top of my hormones is killing me, why is life so complicated, why cant we just always have the answers right in front of us, so we know what to do and why..... i feel like im making it 10x worse than what it really is, but its understandable, im very hormonal right now.... i just dont know what to do. Can someone please comfort me and tell me everything will be ok and if i move out to Cali you will all take turns coming to visit me for weeks at a time.... please!!! I dont think id have such a hard time with this Alaska stuff if i was actually able to go up with him, id leave everything behind just to go with him but instead id be the one being left behind..... ughhh what am i supposed to do....


  1. Darn Oriana that sounds tough :( Pray.

  2. You need to move to Ohio instead of California :). It's less expensive to live here!! I'm so sorry, I really am. I wish I had the answer for you.

  3. I'm sorry you have to make the same decision. It's a very very tough one. You put all the same problems that Jake and I talked about and the only thing that has helped me is the advice you've already received, pray. I also have to pray each night to be comforted. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always talk to me.