Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The last one....

I am now the last one of all the people i knew struggling with infertility problems to be pregnant.... and it sucks! To be the last one, to feel all alone, is not the best feeling in the world. Don't get me wrong i am so SO happy and thrilled for those who struggled and can finally take a breath and enjoy the sunshine after their tough storm. Congrats to everyone who was struggling and is now pregnant! i envy you!!! I really do... i want to be throwing my guts up, i wanna be stuck in bed feeling like crap for 9 months if it means i get to be pregnant.... i want it that bad. It will be a year on Jan 13 that i lost the baby.... and i cant believe its been that long and still no luck. I called yesterday to my OB/GYN and scheduled an appointment at the hospital to get that test done on Wednesday morning. The one where they go in and fill the tubes ( or tube in my case) with a florescent colored fluid and take an ultra sound to see and made sure that my fallopian tube is open, and not shut( at least i think that's what they do, I'm not quite sure on the details yet, i just know its a step closer to a baby!). Maybe after this test i will finally be able to figure out the delay. Almost one year since the miscarriage, and almost a year and a half since we started trying to expand our family. Will the pain ever end? will i finally catch a break? This is my life right now and I'm not wasting it by sitting around being sorry for myself because I'm not pregnant, in no way am i doing that, it just feels nice to write my feelings and frustrations out, so that maybe anyone else going through the same thing doesn't feel alone, i know i found a lot of you that had some of the same struggles i did... and lucky you, all that i know of you are now expecting babies :) I am desperately hoping to someday soon join you girls! So good luck ladies i wish you all the best and am excited to hear about your progress in your pregnancies!! I'll keep updated on what i find out tomorrow from the test.
Ps. i changed my blog backround again... what do you think? is it a keeper? :)


  1. this may have made me cry, Rana, I SOOOO hope everything will work out! and if you ever need ANYTHING please just call me, I am always here :)! I love you girl!

  2. Don't quote me on this, but I myself followed a lot of websites when we were trying and I have heard this test that you are getting done may be the factor that fixes things. Because if your tube/s are blocked the dye may just push everything right out and clear it up. And after this test i've heard some girls have gotten pregnant. I really hope this is it for you. I hate to get your hopes up, but I just wanted to reassure you. I know they'll find an answer for you :) let us know how it goes!

  3. I have a friend who had tried to conceive for years and had this same test done - she got pregnant just a month or two later, I believe. So I think there is some truth to the comment above. I hope this test helps you guys! I'm positive everything will work out in due time - it's really hard to not be able to have a baby when you feel sooo ready for one, but I really believe this is all for a reason and I think it's great that you have stuck through it and have been so strong through such a hard time! Please email me if you have any questions or if you want to borrow any of my books!!! They really really helped me. alisamarie@gmail.com - I'm happy to chat with you on Gmail as well!